It seems like I want to die the most when I have a good day. It’s never the bad days, because if I’m going to end it I want to die at a time I feel good. I don’t want my last day I be an awful one.

However, I’m not sure if I really want to commit suicide. I think what I really want is to die, but not by my own hand. That way nobody could blame themselves. It’s like- if a car was moving at me at a high speed, I probably wouldn’t move; but I have the opportunity to end it every day and don’t, because I don’t want my mom to blame herself.

My mind is so confusing because sometimes I feel like I’m falling in love, but other times I just want to kill myself. Today I considered throwing myself on the subway tracks, but decided not to because my mom was with me. And I know if I wasn’t in work earlier I would have relapsed horribly because of what happened. Things are just eating me alive and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I told my therapist I wouldn’t kill myself before I saw her next, but I don’t know how honest I was being…

why do i want to kill myself right now??? the world may never know

really though I could kill myself right now and nobody would know

nobody would stop me

somethings off about him wtf

what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why what why 

I feel sick and angry and bitter and suddenly I want to kill myself so much

mental-suicide:

I fucking hate myself. why did I mess up so much. I hurt you. I hurt everyday.
I hurt everyone. I can’t deal with the thought of it.

I always fuck up..